The Power of the Pause.
Small but mighty, the pause has the power to build connection, harmony (internally and externally), and systems. Without it, we risk de-stabilising all of it.
When leaders react too fast.
For anyone leading people or systems under pressure, how many times have you fired back an email in the heat of the moment and started an all-out war? Have you acted or spoken before thinking and landed yourself in hot water? Have you made an impulsive decision that you later regretted?
Not all reactive responses have dire consequences, and I’m not discounting spontaneity and the need to get stuff done. I have found though; an intentional pause often improves the outcome. The more you practice it, the more you build that muscle, and the power of the pause then grows exponentially.
From reacting to systems thinking.
I remember being immersed in one of those all-out email wars during a project that was going badly. We were all stuck, focused on protecting ourselves. Complaining about the latest flurry of emails to my manager, she said something that landed and changed the way I operated. ‘What do we need to do about this now, and what can we do long term to avoid this in future’?
It wasn’t rocket science but taking a moment to think about the long-term, the future meant that I switched on my pre-frontal cortex. It allowed me to think about systems; I could reason and consider the consequences. My email responses changed overnight and, eventually, so did the replies.
This happened many years ago, but I still remember it as the day I recognised the value and power of the intentional pause.
This isn’t a ‘how to’ guide. I’m human and still forget to pause, especially when a short-term fix feels tempting.
What I have learnt is to recognise that when I feel uncomfortable, agitated, or annoyed, that is usually the time that I need to flex my ‘pause’ muscle.
When I do that, I can see interdependencies, simulate scenarios, and consider unintended consequences. I can build better relationships and feel better about myself and honestly, it’s a calming, centering force. And its power doesn’t stop there!
Why the pause matters most under pressure.
In emergencies, responders are trained to pause to assess before acting. If you’ve ever done a first aid course (and if you’re as old as me), you’ll remember when A, B, C became D, R, A, B, C. We were taught to stop, think, then act.
Leading an organisation where complex behaviour support and evacuations were part of daily operations reinforced how critical this mindset is. For our frontline staff to truly pause and assess, we had to embed it in our systems and back office and ensure it was modelled consistently by executives and the Board.
The pause that unlocks growth.
In coaching, this is where the intentional pause has the power to go beyond safety and systems and unlock something even more exciting!
Coaching is designed to explore goals, to understand how someone thinks or feels about certain things, and what supports them to reach their goals. It aims to hold up a mirror and move people forward.
Actively listening to my clients, using questions to explore the landscape and systems around them and to challenge them are all powerful components of coaching. Inarguably one of the most powerful components is the pause, the uncomfortable silence. When done well and in a trusted environment, it creates healthy challenge and tension. It allows my clients to delve deeper and find, well who knows what! It’s exciting and powerful and comes down to that small but mighty pause.
Do you already use the intentional pause? How would building the muscle or pausing to delve deeper help you, your team, your organisation?
How to start pausing today.
Here are three tips to start making the shift:
Take a micro-pause.
Stop speaking or acting.
Take a slow breath.
Be aware of your feet or posture.
Ask yourself a systems question.
‘What does this enable or break if it happens again?’
‘Why do I tend to react this way when X happens?’
Change your physical state.
Move to another space, if that’s not possible, look out a window, to a far wall or horizon.
One last pause prompt.
Before you close this page, pause and consider if you’d like to book a call (or DM me if that’s easier). This could be one of those moments where an intentional pause builds connection and growth.
Recommended reading: After drafting this article I happened to be listening to Brene Brown’s latest audio book ‘Strong Ground’. In Chapter 15 in the section titled ‘Mindfulness’ she talks about the pause. As always, Brene articulates the concept brilliantly.